The skydive that provided me with a life-changing Aha moment.

Many years ago, I was in Umm Al Quwain with an extraordinary group of people doing what we loved. 

Spending every day jumping out of a perfectly good aeroplane.

The conditions were perfect with a magical sunset. 

The jump didn’t go well. 

Mistakes in the air can turn fatal fast. 

We managed to walk away from this one. 

In a state of adrenalin-fuelled panic, I caught up with our jump master who was marching off the dropzone. 

‘What did I do wrong?' 

Furious, he said, ‘it’s not about you.'

In my mind, the mistake was mine. Of course, it was!  I was one of 8 people on the jump. 

Like a series of ice-cold waves crashing into me the unconscious habitual patterns of self-blame, became fully conscious.  

A life flashing before me moment. 

The jump went wrong, badly wrong,  we came close to a fatality. 

 I automatically assumed responsibility without pausing to reflect or assess.

Then vomited my concerns over another human being who needed space to process. 

The video debrief clearly showed a series of events that had nothing to do with me. 

And as a team jumping together we all had to learn from our mistakes.  

The opportunity to examine the relationship with self-blame was a gift. One that keeps on giving in ways I couldn’t have imagined. 

What did I do wrong can be a constructive and helpful question.  

One that helps us to take personal accountability and responsibility for ourselves, our actions and our impact on others.

However, it’s also important to have some other questions that follow this to ensure more information is gathered. 

It can be a triggered response from the past which could benefit from deeper exploration. 

Or a habit, we are so used to making A = B, missing all the other options. 

Brene Brown talks about Blame as a release from discomfort and pain. A way of feeling in control,  ‘I’d rather it be my fault than no one’s fault

It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Blaming is a way that we discharge anger’ 

Examining the ripple effect of our own self-blame is courageous and terrifying. It requires a level of personal accountability, compassion and love. For ourselves and others. 

What’s the default reaction that keeps you stuck? 

What’s possible for you when you remove self-blame?

How does this reflection help you to lead more effectively?

Please share your reflections below.